The ocean maker

her is my test hat I did for the end of year her is a link for the video hope you enjoy my story
can I have some feedback place so I how what I need to work on.
when I stated just got on to my plan we had 10mins to do our plans  
https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=J2J4eareIIg

Name Liam Williamson                                                                      Peer Marker: Blake Ross

Success Criteria - Narrative
Features of Text	Student	Peer
I have included a beginning, middle and an end.
I have created a setting by showing with my words or using who, what, when & where.
I have included a problem & solved it (or created good tension)
I have written a satisfying ending.
I have written in either 1st person or 3rd person.
I have used descriptive language throughout  (sets of 3, alliteration, similes, personification, metaphors) and provided detail to my story.
I have used a range sequencing connectives. (time words or phrases)
My Personal Target/s:

What I think I did well: What my partner thinks I’ve done well: What I think I need to improve next time: What my partner thinks I need to improve next time:

It was a Never really hot day with no water in the desert with a lots of sunken boats can win the Disaster happened I was fining around in my airplane I'm trying to find maybe just a little cycloid it might have a little bit of rain. I got out my I started looking around for a crowd. But then I sure a lighthouse as I went around a Melton and it’s light was at a closed hat was 20KM away so I went to the lighthouse to see Is there any survivors and If they have ENE water at all when I got to the lighthouse her was a girl how had so much water and food hat wood at last Lat her a month so after I had Climbed the stairs she said that she had a rain maker so we could Make more rain come down. So we got into my plane went to the plane and we went to the cloud her was a rainstorm going on so went to the core of the storm and we put the Rainmaker in her and then all of the sea was back sunken ships in my back on the sea and it was amazing site to see

     THE END!!!